This series, ‘Drip Thoughts’, emerged from spilling coffee and discovering an image in the spill. It turned into a memoir of my subconscious mind. Make an illustration from your next coffee spill and #dripthoughts !
September 10, 2017 Un-domesticated
I’ve been struggling lately with what it means to be a good partner. Does being a ‘successful’ girlfriend or wife mean that I need to be proficient at cooking and cleaning and gardening? Women have been fighting against these stereotypes when it comes to the outside world, but it still feels like it is expected that we should know how to make a delicious pot roast, keep a clean bathroom, or keep our ficus tree alive when it comes to the inside of our homes. These are ‘skills’ I don’t feel I innately have. Maybe it was because I was raised by a single father from the time I was 8 years old. Maybe because I’m an artist. Maybe because I refuse to fall into the stereotype of these ‘womanly’ traits that make men subconsciously attracted to us. Will these prehistoric desires of men outweigh my own desires of being uniquely me?
September 27, 2017 Olive Oils
I’m not totally sure what inspired this Popeye-post-transition drip thought. But I’m happy to see that Olive Oil is still smitten over her new less machismo Popeye. Maybe this is a subconscious nudge to start being more open to more emotionally available sensitive men. Also, today women got the right to drive in Saudi Arabia… so that’s good.
January 24, 2018 Lovers
I’ve been going over past failed relationships in my head lately. Why did they end? What part did I play? Was I too open with my feelings, or not open enough? Was the person who I was trying to connect with not emotionally available? Am I not emotionally available? Or maybe I’m just a mirror to whatever emotions are given to me. My goal is to be more vulnerable - regardless of my partner’s vulnerability. My goal is to live with an open heart and love unconditionally. To have less go unspoken… and to have more be comfort and joy… comfort and joy.
August 30, 2017 Mondays
Today, like so many days, I don’t have a clue what my future holds. There was a time in my life when I thought I did. I was 18 and madly in love with a boy who was madly in love with me. I was sure we would marry, have kids, and live happily ever after. And then at age 24, he was hit by a car while riding his bicycle. He died from head trauma. It was then that I received the shocking revelation of life --- I have no control over my future. Just when you think you know what the next day holds, an unexpected event comes crashing into your path. But I would not be the woman I am today without the contrast that life offers. So I say thank you to my parents’ divorce, to that crash, to that rejection, to that heartbreak… to that cacti in the eye.
May 11, 2017 You Are Enough
Today is 2 days after an epic hypnotherapy appointment. During a meditation - my therapist took me back to when I was a teenager, then to when I was a little girl, then to when I was in my mother’s womb, and finally to my source body. I told my inner child she wasn’t alone anymore, and I confronted my father who made me feel I wasn’t enough. In my regression under hypnosis, my father apologized and confessed to me that it was he who actually felt wasn’t enough. It was a big day. A life changer. Today also happens to be my father’s birthday.
August 2, 2017 Quantum Entanglement
I was 9 years old. My dad had just remarried a woman with four children of her own. There were two girls who were close to my age, and I was in heaven. I loved these girls during a time in my life that I ached for companionship, acceptance, and love. We made Barbie worlds and put on talent shows. Then one day I was walking down to the basement to play, when I overheard them talking about me. I stopped and sat on the stairs, with my right ear pressed to the adjoining wall and listened. They were discussing how annoying I was. How I was clingy and ‘too much.’ Yesterday, I was talking to a man who is a self-proclaimed oracle of sorts. He stopped me suddenly in mid-conversation, and asked if he could tell me something he had just observed. I said, of course. He told me that I’ve been ignoring the right side of my face for most of my life. He asked if I had heard something when I was a child in my right ear that was traumatic to me… something I shouldn’t have heard, but did. I nodded with tears in my eyes.
October 13, 2018 Spooky Times
It’s hard to ignore Halloween around here. It’s two weeks away, but it may as well be tomorrow. The scary movie marathons are on repeat, and the costume parties have already started. Why do people love so much becoming something other than themselves? The bigger question is: are we even our true selves to begin with? Or are we all walking around with metaphorical masks 365 days of the year? I feel like I’m getting closer and closer to my authentic self, but I predict I still have at least a decade before the mask comes completely off… and the real Nikki can finally shine through. I hope it’s sooner.
March 19, 2018 Fish Man
"Many men go fishing all their lives without knowing it is not fish they are after" - Henry David Thoreau
Sometimes it’s not what we want, but what we need that drives our desires. When we “go fishing” we are actually looking for something that fulfills our life and our dreams. When I draw or paint or create, it’s not about creating the best piece of art that anyone has ever seen. I mean, it shouldn’t be… But, of course, my conscious mind thinks it is - because it wants success and money and attention. But I know what really drives me is my need to create. My need to discover, to mold, to be a part of the creation – that’s where the real joy is.
April 21, 2017 Activism
“Grab the broom of anger and drive off the beast of fear” – Zora Neale Hurston.
My mother is from Venezuela – a country which has been struggling economically and politically for the last decade. Her entire family, who still resides in what was once a beautiful country, is suffering into what is quickly becoming a failed state heading towards anarchy or civil war. There are no food or supplies or safety for the fearful people of Venezuela. Today is the third week of protests of violent opposition to the country’s leader Nicolas Maduro. Eight people have died so far. My heart aches for my family in Caracas. I am praying they stay safe in this much needed opposition.
March 12, 2017 Border Walls
I just listened to a story on NPR regarding the Mexican border and the wall Donald Trump wants to build: “We will soon begin the construction of a great great wall along our Southern Border”. The story went on to describe a celebration that happens once a year in Rio Grande Valley called Border Fest– where mayors from the border city in Hidalgo, Texas and Reynosa, Mexico -- 2 cities only separated by the Rio Grande meet on a bridge and then hug each other in solidarity speaking to the fundamental truth that they are friendly neighbors…that they need “bridges and not walls”.
March 20, 2017 Spring Equinox
Today is the first day of Spring. After a failed attempt of keeping my New Year’s resolutions, I am determined to renew my resolutions on this milestone day of rebirth. Life is too short to spend crying over ex’s. I would like to say that I am the strong woman with the dumbbells in this image; but at this time in my life, I know that I am the woman trapped under the hooves of the kissing lambs - which must be representing my ex-boyfriend (whose nickname was lamb) finding a new love... a new lamb.